Archive for September, 2011

Your laugh makes me want to hurt someone in the face.

Sep 13, 2011 - No Comments

You make me feel like a crazy person, so in turn I act like a crazy person…causing you to treat me like a crazy person…which only makes me feel more crazy. Break the chain.

Sep 12, 2011 - No Comments

Why is bitchiness directly proportional to cuteness? I’m going to find a jolly fat girl and spend the rest of my life with her.

Sep 12, 2011 - No Comments

I got dumped because I wouldn’t “sext message” while I was at work.

Sep 12, 2011 - No Comments

You get drunk and try to wrestle with me. I’m 3/4 your size idiot.

Sep 12, 2011 - No Comments

As I write this you are sitting beside me in the car. Singing. Singing badly. God it sounds bad. Please drive faster. I can’t stand it.

Sep 11, 2011 - No Comments

You’re so vain you probably think this dumped tale is about you.

Sep 11, 2011 - No Comments

You think Rick Perry is worth a damn.

Sep 10, 2011 - No Comments

You’re not as hot as you think you are.

Sep 10, 2011 - No Comments

I spent 2 years encouraging you to see a shrink about your Borderline Personality Disorder. So you finally went to a psychiatrist. And slept with him.

Sep 10, 2011 - No Comments

You put on a “Fuck Me” dress and went to your high school reunion without me.

Sep 09, 2011 - No Comments

Just because YOU didn’t think it was cheating, doesn’t mean it wasn’t.

Sep 09, 2011 - No Comments

You are a Chronic Cheater. You’ve cheated on every boyfriend or husband you’ve ever had. All I had to do was wait…

Sep 09, 2011 - No Comments

You twitch in your sleep

Sep 08, 2011 - No Comments

I caught you searching for the Linkedin profile of the guy who knocked you up 20 years ago.

Sep 08, 2011 - No Comments

My professional jealousy became too much for even me to take.

Sep 08, 2011 - No Comments

You kept emailing dirty pictures of yourself to my work email account!

Sep 07, 2011 - No Comments

You would break into a flop sweat every time I brought up the subject of birth control.

Sep 07, 2011 - No Comments

You were blocking photos of yourself on facebook from your fat days.

Sep 07, 2011 - No Comments

I’ve never really had an eye for detail but your fucking eyebrows are gnarly.

Sep 03, 2011 - No Comments

I’m not trying to be a pain in your ass, you just make it way too easy to pick on you.

Sep 02, 2011 - No Comments

Your ego is the least attractive part about you…it is also the most sizable part about you.

Sep 01, 2011 - No Comments