Archive for August, 2011

I know you are a bitch and you can’t help being a bitch. But do you have to be SUCH a bitch???

Aug 18, 2011 - No Comments

In the five years we’ve dated, I’ve never been able to complete a sentence without being interrupted. You call this “having a lively conversation.” I call it “dating an idiot.”

Aug 18, 2011 - No Comments

You said you would like to have sex with Mickey Mouse.

Aug 17, 2011 - No Comments

You: I’m gonna put on my pajamas. Me: OK. You: You dont want me to put on my pajamas? Yes: I’d said “OK.” You: OK I wont put on my pajamas. Me: What? Why not? You: Because you dont want me too. Me: I never said I dont want you to put on your pajamas. You: I could tell by the way you said “OK.” Me: Look if you want to put on your pajamas then I want you to put on your pajamas. You: NO! I’m just going to sit here and be uncomfortable. Me: JEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

Aug 17, 2011 - No Comments

You’re right, I never read your short story. But it took you 6 months to write it….so….I’m guessing it wasn’t that short?

Aug 16, 2011 - No Comments

You have control issues with the garbage.

Aug 15, 2011 - No Comments

I started dating you simply for the stand up material. Then you found out.

Aug 15, 2011 - No Comments

I don’t work for you. I sleep with you. If you figure out the difference between these two things let me know.

Aug 14, 2011 - No Comments

You consistently miss the joke.

Aug 14, 2011 - No Comments

You had the same pet names for me as you did your dog. it got real confusing & I refused to be called schmoopie one more time and have the dog LOOK!

Aug 13, 2011 - No Comments

Every night you would say, “Let’s watch The Office on NetFlix.” And then you would fall asleep on the couch.  And then you would get mad when I woke you up.  And then you got mad when I said I didn’t want to watch The Office. Jeez!

Aug 13, 2011 - No Comments

you slept with my bestfriend while i was under the same roof while i was sleeping in a different room; so i broke your nose, your her problem now

Aug 13, 2011 - No Comments

You expect to find a woman who doesn’t have any stretch marks, shaves every day, who doesn’t have any tattoos, that likes to eat deer meat and will make you fluffer nutter sandwiches. Are you high?

Aug 08, 2011 - No Comments

You have no real opinions of your own. You just regurgitate what you hear Anderson Cooper say on TMZ…I mean CNN.

Aug 08, 2011 - No Comments

You have a more sincere relationship with your nightly bottle of wine than you do with me.

Aug 07, 2011 - No Comments

Your work out consists of a cool down only.

Aug 07, 2011 - No Comments

She wouldn’t blow me.  It was my birthday.

Aug 06, 2011 - No Comments

You’re the only man I know who wears suspenders not ironically.

Aug 05, 2011 - No Comments

I like your kid, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to parent the thing for you.

Aug 05, 2011 - No Comments

When we started dating I didn’t realize how intricate your comb over was. I’m just worried for you when you decide to transition out. Just shave it off. I promise you’ll look like a million bucks.

Aug 05, 2011 - No Comments

DUDE YOU AREN’T A COMEDIAN STOP GIVING YOUR SELF THE HIGH HAT DRUM AFFECT AFTER EVER OTHER SENTENCE.

Aug 04, 2011 - No Comments

You watch ABC Family too regularly.

Aug 04, 2011 - No Comments

She pretended to be an emotionless tough guy but really was a spineless baby.

Aug 04, 2011 - No Comments

You got into a competition with a co-worker about how many friends you had on facebook. You started adding people left and right just so you could say you have more friends. You’re 37 years old dude. Get a life.

Aug 03, 2011 - No Comments

You embarrassed me everywhere we went.

Aug 03, 2011 - No Comments