Archive for May, 2011
I think you kept a journal of all the things that I did wrong. В Over the course of 4 years, that’s obviously going to add up. В But if I did the same things as YOUR psycho ass, I’m sure my list would be longer.
May 15, 2011 - No Comments
You ordered God only know how many boxes of Girl Scout cookies. You used the argument that you couldn’t turn the girls down. В You also couldn’t turn down eating all of them and subsequently gaining close to 20 pounds.
May 15, 2011 - No Comments
I’ve never heard so many excuses to not have sex in my life. В Here’s one you used right before I dumped you: “I’m worried about my hair getting screwed up for when I go to the salon tomorrow. В I like to have it nice when I go in and see them.”
May 14, 2011 - No Comments
You told me you had a job, but it must have involved working for facebook considering the fact that you messaged my account about 10 times every day.
May 14, 2011 - No Comments
The only difference between you and a hooker is that there’s a lot less arguing when I’m just paying for it.
May 11, 2011 - No Comments
You’d order off the menu everywhere we went. I felt like I couldn’t risk the spit in my food any more.
May 11, 2011 - No Comments
You’d cry yourself to sleep at night because your parents never got you that nose job you always wanted.
May 11, 2011 - No Comments
I am so glad after 3 years you finally informed me of our open relationship. And now, I’m going to close it.
May 10, 2011 - No Comments
You told me to start saying “cheese and rice” instead of “Jesus Christ” but I married you because you were an atheist. Then I found out you were banging a Catholic.
May 10, 2011 - No Comments
I waited four hours at the airport for you. Thanks for letting me know you decided to stay another night to bang that waitress.
May 10, 2011 - No Comments
You’d call me over to fix things but that’s it. I’ll just give you the number of a good handyman and we can go our separate ways.
May 10, 2011 - No Comments
We aren’t together anymore because I found out how many prescription medications you were taking.
May 09, 2011 - No Comments
I dumped you because there is no amount of energy I want to spend on helping you sew curtains.
May 09, 2011 - No Comments
I’m finally going to say it once and for all. Those pleather leggings you love so much…well they DO make you look fat.
May 04, 2011 - No Comments
You kept picking my neighbors flowers and bringing them to me every time you screwed up. Not only do I have to deal with you, now I have to deal with my bitchy neighbor.
May 04, 2011 - No Comments
I didn’t notice it in person, but in all your photos you have a slight lazy eye. Photos are forever.
May 04, 2011 - No Comments
I don’t know which of your many exes told you that your potty mouth was cute but next time you meet someones Mother leave your f bomb at home.
May 04, 2011 - No Comments
I know you’re a film buff…but quoting movies for EVERY conversation we had led me to believe that you were a robot. Well….Not a robot. A cyborg. A cybernetic organism. SO QUOTE THAT!
May 03, 2011 - No Comments
Sleeping next to someone who was wine drunk every night of the week quickly became my nightmare.
May 03, 2011 - No Comments
I had to break up with you, because telling you the truth only got me in trouble and telling you lies was a joke because I can’t get anything by you. You’re unforgiving. Please please don’t put a hex on me.
May 03, 2011 - No Comments
If you have an issue with my smoking just say something, don’t cough at me sarcastically.
May 02, 2011 - No Comments
