Archive for April, 2011

You had a man crush on John Travolta.  It kinda weirded me out.

Apr 25, 2011 - No Comments

I couldn’t be with a chick who could drink more beer than me.

Apr 25, 2011 - No Comments

Your belly button was a bigger lint trap than the one on the dryer.

Apr 25, 2011 - No Comments

Wishing all of our friends a very Happy Easter.  Hopefully you’ll get your basket stuffed!

Apr 24, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped your ass when you went to Jesus Camp.  Homey don’t play that.

Apr 23, 2011 - No Comments

Honey, aftershave is not cologne.  It was like dating a 4th grader who opened up dad’s medicine cabinet.

Apr 23, 2011 - No Comments

Don’t think that just because you bribed me with beer helps me forget about the fact that you cheated on me with my best friend!

Apr 23, 2011 - No Comments

I’m sorry if suggesting a boob job came off the wrong way.  You have lovely breasts, but there’s always room for improvement?…

Apr 23, 2011 - No Comments

You tried swapping with your twin and expected me not to notice.  Actually, the only reason I knew was because “your” dick got a lot bigger.  Guess I picked the wrong twin.

Apr 23, 2011 - No Comments

How stupid can you possibly be?  You left the guy’s number who you were cheating on me with on the fridge!

Apr 22, 2011 - No Comments

You said that beer had too many carbs, so you switched over to rum and diet coke and drank yourself into a stupor every night.  So much for things getting better.

Apr 22, 2011 - No Comments

You thought you were too good to clean toilets.

Apr 22, 2011 - No Comments

Your belief system was so ridiculous that it inspired me to become an atheist.

Apr 22, 2011 - No Comments

I kept telling you: yes you are beautiful, but that doesn’t make up for being a bitch!

Apr 22, 2011 - No Comments

If you sucked half as well as you bitched, things would be different.

Apr 22, 2011 - No Comments

Given yoour history, it’s only a matter of time before you start fooling around on me.

Apr 22, 2011 - No Comments

You know what’s not cool and is really, really annoying? When you suck your teeth after every meal.

Apr 21, 2011 - No Comments

You were old as shit and to be honest, I don’t know what I signed myself up for.

Apr 21, 2011 - No Comments

I guess I’m just not attracted to someone who says, “gargle my hog.”

Apr 21, 2011 - No Comments

You couldn’t say the word vagina. You also apparently didn’t know a damn thing about them.

Apr 21, 2011 - No Comments

Because you would chew your toenails.

Apr 21, 2011 - No Comments