Archive for April, 2011

Yes, God is watching you have sex, and no amount of bead praying is going to solve that.

Apr 30, 2011 - No Comments

You snore, you drool, you’ve got halitosis.

Apr 30, 2011 - No Comments

Ringo is your favorite Beatle.

Apr 30, 2011 - No Comments

My patience and your avoidance of the two-pump chump problem were not a match made in heaven.

Apr 30, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped you because I hate your father. You’re just like him, receding hairline and all. Why don’t you two just open up a gay Celtic bike shop together or merge and save everyone the trouble of having to tell you apart?

Apr 30, 2011 - No Comments

When I cried to your face, you didn’t say a word. You didn’t hold me, you didn’t touch me, you just got up and left. THAT’s why I dumped you. Don’t even try to make up some BS story about how I cheated on you because I found someone who actually cared after you were gone.

Apr 29, 2011 - No Comments

You are a lot grosser than I am. Which is really gross.

Apr 29, 2011 - No Comments

An ex of yours found me on facebook…she says she’s pregnant.

Apr 29, 2011 - No Comments

You are beautiful, but after spending a weekend at your apartment I realized I couldn’t live with someone with as much hair as you. It would be like having a heavy shed cat.

Apr 29, 2011 - No Comments

You’ve been stealing my spare change. Why not just ask me for it?

Apr 28, 2011 - No Comments

You’re so hostile, everything you approach is a fight, a defense or some sort of wrestling tactic.

Apr 28, 2011 - No Comments

You are camping out for tickets to Fast Five. Dude.

Apr 28, 2011 - No Comments

Because without you I never have to hear “Soul Sister” again.

Apr 28, 2011 - No Comments

What 21 year old says that her favorite show on TV is the 6 o’clock news?

Apr 27, 2011 - No Comments

You made Snooki look sophisticated.

Apr 27, 2011 - No Comments

Our relationship was the equivalent to a life sentence in jail.

Apr 27, 2011 - No Comments

You were more proud of your flatulence than anything else in the world.

Apr 27, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped you because you paid more attention to texts and facebook than you did me.

Apr 27, 2011 - No Comments

I’ll be damned if I was going to put up with your rat chihuahua anymore.  It was that thing or me that was gonna go and you picked the rat.

Apr 26, 2011 - No Comments

You made fun of me and thought that I was gross because I had gout.  I’m sorry that I can’t help the fact that my body has a terribly painful but “gross sounding” disease.

Apr 26, 2011 - No Comments

I broke up with you after you told me about all the terrible things you used to do to your neighbor’s cat when you were a kid.  What an awful human being you are!

Apr 26, 2011 - No Comments

You sent more dick pics than Brett Favre.

Apr 26, 2011 - No Comments

I broke up with you because you were an ignorant and stubborn ASS.  You refused to do things like stand for God Bless America at a baseball game.

Apr 26, 2011 - No Comments

You said, “I’m gonna go Chris Brown on your ass.”

Apr 25, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped you because  your snoring woke the dead.

Apr 25, 2011 - No Comments