Archive for March, 2011

You “accidentally” spilled your drink on the large chested girl wearing a white tank top at the bar. Then you started a conversation…then you kissed her while I was in the bathroom. Then you got dumped.

Mar 31, 2011 - No Comments

You listened to grungy butt rock records in your parents garage and drank 40′s of Steel Reserve. Fun Friday.

Mar 31, 2011 - No Comments

Listen Fenway Paaaaaaaack, I know you’re excited about baseball, but I’m excited about you shutting the fuck up.

Mar 31, 2011 - No Comments

I couldn’t dump you with tits like that, but I could dump you when they were constantly off limits.

Mar 31, 2011 - No Comments

Because you were like an obsessive watch dog. I wanted to have a life.

Mar 31, 2011 - No Comments

I went down there for you, it was like kissing a cactus.

Mar 30, 2011 - No Comments

You are a 35 year old male working at a dress barn. Are you sure you don’t still live with your parents?

Mar 30, 2011 - No Comments

Because you were such a push over, you were always doing things for other people, and those other people were never me.

Mar 30, 2011 - No Comments

You said that you only asked me out because you thought I was in high school.

Mar 30, 2011 - No Comments

I’m pretty convinced you tried to poison  me. I’m not taking any chances.

Mar 30, 2011 - No Comments

You said you were on a liquid cleanse, I didn’t realize that meant car bombs.

Mar 30, 2011 - No Comments

You are slame. That’s lame and stupid at the some time.

Mar 29, 2011 - No Comments

You made me watch woman’s basketball, like there was a point to it.

Mar 29, 2011 - No Comments

I moved across the country to get away from you.

Mar 29, 2011 - No Comments

Your nervous habit was picking your feet. You always wore sandals and would even do it at dinner.

Mar 29, 2011 - No Comments

You’d never try it with me, but you tried it with him? I’m not taking you back this time.

Mar 29, 2011 - No Comments

because you couldn’t do anything for yourself.

Mar 29, 2011 - No Comments

You went to the naked lady spa and came back with a new girlfriend. For yourself.

Mar 28, 2011 - No Comments

You treated me like a waitress. I will never “beer you” again.

Mar 28, 2011 - No Comments

I honestly don’t care what people say about me. you can talk and talk all you want it doesn’t fase me…but you chose to talk and talk and talk & THEN EGG MY CAR! 3DAYS IN A ROW!! so the next time i saw you it was a natural reaction for my fist to go straight into your nose! & I’m NOT sorry!

Mar 28, 2011 - No Comments

You’re idea of painting the garage was unleashing your paintball gun.

Mar 28, 2011 - No Comments

You took March Madness to a whole new madness.

Mar 28, 2011 - No Comments

Because you wrote “I love you, snicker-boo” on my wall every single day.

Mar 28, 2011 - No Comments

We had a pregnancy scare, you tweeted about every detail.

Mar 27, 2011 - No Comments

You ordered the 20 piece chicken nuggets then send all 20 back because they weren’t all boots.

Mar 27, 2011 - No Comments