Archive for February, 2011
I told you that I want to own & operate an art gallery. You told me that it would be pretty hard for me to do that while Im “barefoot & pregnant in the kitchen”.
Feb 24, 2011 - No Comments
You were beautiful at night, but a complete mess in the morning. I can’t even imagine how much time you must put in to making yourself look like that.
Feb 23, 2011 - No Comments
Your pictures on okcupid are deceiving: not only do I know think you’re a magician who manipulates your image, but I also think it’s fair to assume that you live under a bridge.
Feb 23, 2011 - No Comments
You told me you took pictures of me while I was sleeping and would use them at work to wank to. You’re a creep.
Feb 23, 2011 - No Comments
You may have done things that I’ve never seen done outside of a porno, but when I pulled out your extensions, I felt dirty and wanted you to leave.
Feb 23, 2011 - No Comments
It didn’t take long for me to realize that you were a complete psycho who before we even went on a second date, had looked through all of my pictures on facebook and asked me questions about my friends and using their real names.
Feb 23, 2011 - No Comments
It’s totally cool that you blew me off and didn’t invite me to your birthday party…. because now I can tell everyone that you are a 28 year old man with erectile dysfunction and not feel like a total bitch.
Feb 23, 2011 - No Comments
Birthdays are special: they are meant to celebrate someone’s life. Usually, when you love someone, you a) remember their birthday b) do something for them on their birthday and/or c) make them feel special. You have failed at all of these.
Feb 22, 2011 - No Comments
You must be from Boston because all you do is complain about the weather and talk about your teams.
Feb 22, 2011 - No Comments
I found porn on your computer and not just regular porn…no, this was something else. How or why you would watch a man have a diaper put on him and cracked with a whip is beyond my wildest imagination.
Feb 22, 2011 - No Comments
You’re a bumbling moron who couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag. I don’t know what you’re gonna do without me, but I’m sure as hell done babysitting.
Feb 22, 2011 - No Comments
We’re not together because you swore that you would quit smoking…that means no cigarettes at all…and yes, half a pack counts.
Feb 22, 2011 - No Comments
I dumped you after I found out that last time you had sex was at your prom. How does it feel to be almost 30 and have had sex twice?
Feb 22, 2011 - No Comments
You owned all the seasons of Xena: Warrior Priness. Are you sure you’re not a lesbian?
Feb 21, 2011 - No Comments
You were a filthy drunk who apologized for getting shit faced and then cheating on me. It wasn’t fine the first time it happened or the 4 other times.
Feb 21, 2011 - No Comments
I was done with your “fashion statements.” You were hot but it was embarassing to walk around with a girl who dressed like a muppet.
Feb 21, 2011 - No Comments
Because you argued with me that fresh fruit was unhealthy and the Baja Fresh Fajita platter was healthy. For someone who gets up at 5am to go to the gym you’d think you’d know better….moron.
Feb 21, 2011 - No Comments
You were all smiles and sunshine with our relationship until I felt it was time to tell you about my proposal: I just wanted to spice things up!
Feb 20, 2011 - No Comments
I broke up with you because since you were born on a leap year, you must have felt it necessary to celebrate 4 times as hard. Is that also why you kissed 4 guys in front of me that night?
Feb 20, 2011 - No Comments
I had strict anti-hippy policies in place for my women. Somehow, you slipped under the radar. I’m sure right now, you’re smoking pot and listening to a record and drinking wine while talking to your cat about the cruelties of the world.
Feb 20, 2011 - No Comments
