Archive for January, 2011

Napkins were created to wipe food or liquids off of your mouth while eating.В  Just a hint.


Jan 27, 2011 - No Comments
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You were German and living in the US.В  All you could on any date we went on was complain about how stupid Americans are.В  Maybe it’s time for you to go back to Europe.


Jan 27, 2011 - No Comments
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You watched an episode of Storage Wars and decided that you wanted to do that for a living.В  Have fun with that.


Jan 27, 2011 - No Comments
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I could no longer deal with you writing semi-dirty things on other people’s Facebook pages, about their boyfriends, when I doubt if you ever even looked at my Facebook page… let alone leave me any comments.


Jan 27, 2011 - No Comments
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All you ever wanted to do was party, therefore you NEVER had anything smart to contribute to the conversation.


Jan 26, 2011 - No Comments
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You were the sloppiest drunk I have ever met. Then you would get mad a me when I’d tell you not to puke in my car.


Jan 26, 2011 - No Comments
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You were addicted to fast food. It was gross, and so was my bathroom after an ‘episode’.


Jan 26, 2011 - No Comments
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It wasn’t just one spare tire, it was two, two and a half.


Jan 26, 2011 - No Comments
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I didn’t like the shape of her teeth. Okay, I know this sounds super picky, but if you had to stare at it for the rest of your life, you’d choose not to as well.


Jan 26, 2011 - No Comments
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She had some flop going on in the boob department. I felt like I was flipping pancakes.


Jan 26, 2011 - No Comments
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I didn’t know this until after we broke up, but EVERYONE thinks you’re a joke. Couldn’t be happier with our separation.


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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You would talk in that annoying baby voice all the time, and we never had a kid… not even a pet.


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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When I said not to shave your beard it was because you look horrifying without it.


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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She dumped you because you took Facebook way to seriously. See what she has to say about it.

The Internet Bachelorette


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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You had an interesting sense of style to say the least. You were over accessorized, stuff would just dangle off of you like you were a Christmas tree.


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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After three years together you told me flat out that I was NOT invited on this year’s family trip because you were too stressed out to deal with any drama that might come up. Here’s an idea, try being less dramatic yourself.


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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Over and over again I watched you lie to your co-workers, all I could think about was what you were lying about to me.


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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The whole pudding thing was out of control. Never again.


Jan 25, 2011 - No Comments
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You thought that marriage was the most depressing thing ever, but failed to let me know this until you dunkenly interrupted my maid of honor speech at my best friends wedding.


Jan 24, 2011 - No Comments
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After four years together you had more pictures of you and our dog then you did of the two of us.


Jan 24, 2011 - No Comments
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Because you sent a mass text message to all of my friends that said, “come home, I’m horny.”


Jan 24, 2011 - No Comments
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You got belligerently drunk and threw a shoe at my mom. Oh, hell no.


Jan 24, 2011 - No Comments
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You got dumped because you kept posting pictures of yourself half naked on Facebook.


Jan 24, 2011 - No Comments
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You wore you pants to tight it looked like you had three balls. I wasn’t going to take a chance on a filthy hipster to see if that were true.


Jan 24, 2011 - No Comments
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You pushed my sister down the stairs. I saw you.


Jan 23, 2011 - No Comments
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