Archive for January, 2011

You are allergic to cats, yet you spent more time petting and playing with my kitten than you did ME.

Jan 31, 2011 - No Comments

You didn’t understand that knives were created for cutting food. You don’t just put the whole piece of chicken on your fork and eat bites at a time. Especially on a first date.

Jan 31, 2011 - No Comments

You got mad at me for the littlest things. We are young, you should have trusted me enough to let me go out once in a while. I love you but I need to be respected.

Jan 31, 2011 - No Comments

My mom had just kicked me out and you called me an “ungrateful, stupid bitch” for provoking her. I’m sorry I felt provoked to break your fucking nose.

Jan 31, 2011 - No Comments

You got dumped because you were a bet and I could never take you seriously.  Best and worst hundred bucks ever.

Jan 31, 2011 - No Comments

Because you were the most boring person on the face of the planet.

Jan 30, 2011 - No Comments

Your life goal was to make a re-make of “Weekend at Bernie’s.”

Jan 30, 2011 - No Comments

I couldn’t take hearing you singing the Ce-Lo F*#$ You song over and over and over and over and over and….

Jan 30, 2011 - No Comments

You sided with Brett Favre.  No dick pics please.

Jan 30, 2011 - No Comments

I paid for your cell phone bill.  How could you be so stupid as to call a sex hotline?  Did you think I would just happen to miss the $110 charge?  Hmmm…

Jan 29, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped you when you finally admitted that the only reason you started taking yoga was because you’re a creep.

Jan 29, 2011 - No Comments

You still had a Beanie Baby collection.

Jan 29, 2011 - No Comments

Your blatant sexual advances on men at bars we went to together, believe it or not, were very obvious and right in front of my face.

Jan 29, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped you because you only cooked Paula Deen recipes.  I was tired of butter for dinner.

Jan 29, 2011 - No Comments

You would wear turtlenecks to dinner parties.

Jan 29, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped you because you were a legitimate Kenny Loggins fan.

Jan 28, 2011 - No Comments

I hope you pull a Michael Vick when you get out of prison and turn your life around.

Jan 28, 2011 - No Comments

I’m a  fool for having dated you.  I felt like a customer buying a beater and you were the skeezy used car guy.

Jan 28, 2011 - No Comments

You had Twizzler nipples.

Jan 28, 2011 - No Comments

You started to look like Santa Clause, minus the beard.

Jan 28, 2011 - No Comments

Few people in the world require more coddling and attention than you.

Jan 28, 2011 - No Comments

Because your heart was so cold and bitter it would take an eternity to thaw out.

Jan 28, 2011 - No Comments

I dumped you because you’re a dirty rat basterd.

Jan 27, 2011 - No Comments

You wanted to be a police officer because you thought that if you got caught drunk driving you could flash your badge and be exonerrated from any crimes.

Jan 27, 2011 - No Comments

You threatened me that you would get a Mike Tyson face tattoo.

Jan 27, 2011 - No Comments