Archive for December, 2010

You got dumped because your brother turned 18. Whoops.

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

Your coupon-clipping was getting in the way of our sex life.

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

You want to be less of a dickhead? I’d start with shutting your mouth. My 2011 does not include you.

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

You had a panic attack because the weather ruined our New Year’s Eve plans.

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

You told my MOM that your resolution was to lose some weight because you plan on making some X-tube videos this summer. Imagine her surprise when she googled “X-tube videos.”

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped you because you decided our New Year’s Eve plans should include 7 hours of Halo.

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

I got dumped for reasons I thought were reasonable. Turns out I was nothing. How much can you take from a person before realizing how much you have to offer in return? Or do you just prefer giving your dick?

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

Because you bet wrong on EVERY bowl game.

Dec 31, 2010 - No Comments

Do you know how to use a phone!?!? all you have to say is ‘hello.’ Texting is also acceptable. Jesus Christ, writing me only on twitter Doesn’t Count!

Dec 30, 2010 - No Comments

because your New Year’s resolution was to tweet less.

Dec 30, 2010 - No Comments

I had the flu and instead of asking if I was alright or needed anything you asked me if it was alright to do my best friend until I got better.

Dec 30, 2010 - No Comments

2010 was the year I forgave UNGRATEFUL people  like you. Regretting that resolution.

Dec 30, 2010 - No Comments

You brought a tuna sandwich on an airplane.

Dec 30, 2010 - No Comments

I got dumped for being the perfect girlfriend and he wasn’t ready for that. Yes, he was being honest.

Dec 30, 2010 - No Comments

You had the bed bugs. That was enough reason for me.

Dec 30, 2010 - No Comments

You got dumped because your brother turned 18.

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

Your coupon-clipping was getting in the way of our sex life.

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

I got dumped because I said “I love you” during oral sex.

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

You are stupid and dumb.

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

If you got mad at me, you would go spoon with the dog, like I would be jealous or something….

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

Because you feel so entitled to everything awesome, but you aren’t that awesome. Oh yeah, and you don’t belong to me anymore. You never did in fact.

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

Your family loved your ex-husband and hates me because I am not your ex-husband. Have a nice rest-of-your-life with your family.

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

You would stress me out, by being late, or demanding or manipulative and then you would ask me why I was so stressed out all the time. It became a cycle I couldn’t keep up with.

Dec 29, 2010 - No Comments

I caught you wearing your roommates clothes and some janky Halloween wig at the club I went to for my boy’s bachelor party. You are totally insane.

Dec 28, 2010 - No Comments

I did a background check on you, and you didn’t pass.

Dec 28, 2010 - No Comments