Archive for October, 2010

Every year you get stressed at Halloween and stay stressed through Thanksgiving and Christmas and don’t unstress until your kids go back to school in January. And every year you make my life miserable during this time. So this year I’m dumping you on Oct 31 and maybe we can get back together Jan 10. If we don’t get back together, well, have a good life!

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments

You’re a housewife. You have no job. You live on your ex-husband’s child support payments. You’ve been complaining all year that you’re broke. Then you go to Atlanta for the weekend and come back with enough money to take your family on a week-long ski trip. WTF?

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments

I realized I missed having you as a friend.

Oct 27, 2010 - No Comments

You love every single Housewives series and you’ve forced me to engage into conversation with you about them.

Oct 27, 2010 - No Comments

I caught you. I caught you having sex. I caught you having sex.

Oct 27, 2010 - No Comments

Every time I did something for you…you looked at me tilted your head and in a high pitch talking to an animal voice you said ‘awwww thank you’.

Oct 27, 2010 - No Comments

If you stop listening to your Mother…please give me a call.

Oct 27, 2010 - No Comments

You dumped me when I asked for a Dutch Sandwich. Well, your mom was up for it…

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

I don’t want you in my life. I don’t want you to say hi to me through my friends. I don’t want to get your email blasts about your blog or ANYTHING else…because I wanted these things…this is why I dumped you.

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

Oh! Gee, I’m so glad you found what you were looking for elsewhere!!

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

Too many Fuck You’s, not enough Thank You’s.

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

you made the yummy sound anytime you were chewing something.

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

you’re an unappreciative, greedy, messy little swine.

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah close the kitchen cabinets blah blah blah blah if you don’t lock the doggie door the dog will get out blah blah blah blah shut up not my mom.

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

You were “Following” your ex-boyfriends company on LinkedIn. And then denied it.

Oct 26, 2010 - No Comments

Not everything can be healed by your dramatic approach and intuition.

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

For a 26 year old man, you sure do whine like a titty baby.

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

I got tired of hearing about how the guy who gave you seven orgasms in one night was “a pain in the ass.”

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

You read one new age-y book and now you’re telling me our stars are not aligned….don’t use stars to do your dirty work. Break up with me if you don’t want to be with me….but don’t blame the BIG BANG!

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

All I asked you to do was read the map while I drove. And all you did was fall asleep.

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

Your laugh is like nails on a chalkboard.

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

You are attempting to be just like your father. Your father who left your mother for another woman, who has never had a full time job, who eats microwave dinners and talks to his kids 3 times a year. That’s your goal?

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

This year for Halloween please do not dress up as a Sexy Ghostbuster. You’re ruining a perfectly good costume idea, and you’re shitting on a perfectly amazing movie.

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

If you treat a girl like shit, she WILL punch you in the face. The black eye is your added bonus.

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments

Your dog gets an entire pillow to himself, sleeps on the bed and is a total bed hog and you wont even entertain the idea of doggie style.

Oct 25, 2010 - No Comments