Archive for October, 2010

I thought the cross dressing was a Halloween thing. Apparently not.

Oct 31, 2010 - No Comments

You were really cute because I had five beers. You were really funny because I had six. I took you home after the seventh because you were paying the cab fare. I couldn’t get it up because I had eight. I thank my lucky stars for this hangover and my binge drinking that prevented me from sleeping with you.

Oct 31, 2010 - No Comments

HAVE A  HAPPY AND SAFE HALLOWEEN!

NOT A MASK, ALWAYS MAKE SURE IT’S A MASK.

Oct 31, 2010 - No Comments

He broke up with me because he was convinced he could get some hoes to have a three-some with him on Halloween. Hope you get some warty witches.

Oct 31, 2010 - No Comments

I thought I was on Scare Tactics but it was just your face the morning after a rough night of drinking.

Oct 31, 2010 - No Comments

You started plotting your Christmas caroling rout in August.

Oct 31, 2010 - No Comments

You stole my kid’s candy. Really?

Oct 30, 2010 - No Comments

I didn’t want to be Adam and Eve because you did not look good in that leaf.

Oct 30, 2010 - No Comments

When we would go out drinking somehow I always got left with the bill, for you and all your friends. Man up.

Oct 30, 2010 - No Comments

Jeez would you please stop calling me up and whining!

Oct 30, 2010 - No Comments

When you said you were giving your dog her goodnight treat, I wasn’t expecting that.

Oct 30, 2010 - No Comments

I realize your birthday is on Halloween, but you can’t stop me from taking my kids trick-or-treating.

Oct 30, 2010 - No Comments

You considered a sock puppet to be your best friend.

Oct 29, 2010 - No Comments

I got baptized because religion was so important to you. You cheated on me. Guess we know who’s going to hell now.

Oct 29, 2010 - No Comments

You have Disney Princess Complex like I have never seen. Mermaids don’t exist.

Oct 29, 2010 - No Comments

Two words: sleep farting.

Oct 29, 2010 - No Comments

You made muffins, magic muffins. Not the best breakfast to have before my big interview. Just another example of your selfishness.

Oct 29, 2010 - No Comments

I found a vial of my seman in your freezer.

Oct 29, 2010 - No Comments

I was excited to be invited up to your place, I became less eager when you started singing show tunes.

Oct 29, 2010 - No Comments

You never wore a shirt and you should have, especially at dinner.

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments

I’m glad you’re in med school but I cannot deal with you analyzing every bump and scratch on my body. And it’s a birth mark, get over it.

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments

You cannot force me to be the Fred to your Wilma. Breaking this off before Halloween, even though the Bam Bam was good.

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments

It may work for keeping in touch with your grandma, but Skype is not enough to keep this going.

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments

I got dumped because I punched him and his roommate.

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments

You got dumped because you stood me up. Eating alone never felt so lonely.

Oct 28, 2010 - No Comments