Archive for September, 2010

I can’t listen to Annie DiFranco. I’m sorry.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

You are sick. You are very very sick. And a lousy lay.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

Most people wouldn’t qualify dreaming about blowjobs as nightmares.  Unless they were about you.  Seriously, how can you be so bad at that?  It boggles my mind.

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

Your OCD killed me.  Remember that time you “had to wash your hands” in the middle of sex?  I do.

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

I read your text.  You called your own girlfriend a “but-her-face.”

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

You kept calling your pussy your “taco.”

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped you because when I woke up in your bed with little red bites all over me, you said that it’s probably from the bed bugs.  You then explained to me that in the year you had lived there, not once had you cleaned the sheets.  You are a dirty bird.

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

You thought you could go on Letterman for “Stupid Human Tricks” because you could flip your eyelids.

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

The drapery didn’t match the carpet

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

You were proud of yourself when you placed first in the hot dog eating contest.  I was in awe and disgusted.

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

Nice to hide the fact that you have a kid.  I always thought you had a lot of pictures of your “niece.”

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

Instead of just being a decent person and breaking up with me, you made up a story about cheating on me, getting herpes from it and then leaving the decision up to me to break up or stay together.  You’re an awful person, FYI.

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

Don’t expect me to pay for everything for you just because your dad did.

Sep 27, 2010 - No Comments

You have  a weird obsession with vampires.  I know they’re trendy, I know chicks like Twilight, but when you ask to bite me, that’s when I draw the line.

Sep 26, 2010 - No Comments

Stop talking to your f#$%@^% ex-boyfriend.  Believe it or not, I’m not a fan.

Sep 26, 2010 - No Comments

You asked your dad for new boobs for Christmas.  I can’t be with someone like that.

Sep 26, 2010 - No Comments

You were allergic to latex and too cheap to buy lamb skin.  I suggested the pill.  You said no.  I said bye.

Sep 26, 2010 - No Comments

I really thought you cared about me and not just my boobs.

Sep 26, 2010 - No Comments

Just because I wear gel and I’m from New Jersey doesn’t mean I should be on the next season of Jersey Shore.  Apparently you thought otherwise.

Sep 25, 2010 - No Comments

Your “cave man” diet was ridiculous.  I’m a guy.  I like football, beer, and steak.  I used to like you too.

Sep 25, 2010 - No Comments

You started using Just for Men.  You were 28.

Sep 25, 2010 - No Comments

At my office work party you got drunk and challenged one of my co-workers to drink a beer from your ass crack.

Sep 25, 2010 - No Comments

On  our 3rd date you said, “I bet you can play a mean meat flute.”  Wow.

Sep 25, 2010 - No Comments

You would fuck up Ramen noodles.

Sep 24, 2010 - No Comments

You were an actor.  I don’t take drama class.

Sep 24, 2010 - No Comments