Archive for September, 2010

I got dumped because I owned every Ben Stiller film/tv show ever put on DVD.

Sep 30, 2010 - No Comments

you’re a small man, you dicked me out of a job for the girl in the office who fluffed your ego. but I see you at home at night and fluff your tiny manhood. f off.

Sep 30, 2010 - No Comments

you could barely screw in a light bulb…let alone screw in the bedroom.

Sep 30, 2010 - No Comments

You sent a facebook to my friend asking for my email address so you could break up with me. Be a man and send a text.

Sep 30, 2010 - No Comments

Everything came down to show tunes.

Sep 30, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped you because you waxed your nether regions more often than I did.

Sep 30, 2010 - No Comments

You were so pale and pasty it was like making out with a glass of milk.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

I think it was the back hair that really got to me.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

Sometimes the freak flag should not fly.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

We didn’t really agree on the term “contraception.”  You were one of those Catholic girls…and not the naughty type.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

Your entire wardrobe consisted of clothes that made you look like a hooker.  I can’t be seen with you in public.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

Turtle racing was more exciting than our sex life.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

I don’t like to judge people on their jobs, but pumping gas at the Mobil around the corner from our place has left me with an empty tank.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

You may not have a problem putting everything on your credit card, but, did you ever think about who’s gonna pay it?

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

I caught you huffing glue.  What are you in 7th grade?  Grow up loser.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

You told me to pull your hair when we were having sex.  Note to you: weaves don’t hold with that much force.

Sep 29, 2010 - No Comments

Your repulsive onion like body odor may have been the kicker.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

I don’t trust WNBA fans.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

You are the most vein person I’ve ever known in my life.  You should try living in a house with no mirrors.  Maybe you’d kill yourself.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

You were so retarded even spellcheck was stumped.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

You told me you got crabs from a toilet seat.  Oh, thank God it wasn’t from the guy you were banging on the side.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

Every morning with you started in a screaming match about who could use the shower first.  You would think that considering I’m a guy, that maybe, just maybe, I should go first because I take 2 seconds.  Now the screaming is over, you’ve been kicked out and I always get the shower when I want.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

Was I a maid, your mother or your girlfriend?

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

You should have kept the long hair.  Now you look like an angry lesbian.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments

Every Halloween you wanted to dress as a woman.  Yeah, um, Freud would have a lot to say about you.

Sep 28, 2010 - No Comments