Archive for August, 2010

um, you texted me to ask what my bra size was. I know we met online…but really dude?

Aug 28, 2010 - No Comments

You hit “reply all” and you should not have done that.

Aug 28, 2010 - No Comments

You had pit stains in every piece of clothing you own.

Aug 28, 2010 - No Comments

I taught your mom to text. The problem is: I’m the only one she knows how to send stuff to and you and I have been broken up for 6 months.

Aug 28, 2010 - No Comments

You moved back in with your parents, and you say I’m the one that needs to grow up?

Aug 27, 2010 - No Comments

Your son is fat.

Aug 27, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped him because he knew more about Glee than I did.

Aug 27, 2010 - No Comments

I can quote lines from movies I saw years ago but I couldn’t remember what month your birthday is… I’ve dated you for 17 months.  I take this as a sign that I must not be into it.

Aug 27, 2010 - No Comments

No i don’t think having a son named jack and a daughter named rose would be awesome.

Aug 27, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped you because you recorded more Days of Our Lives than I did.

Aug 27, 2010 - No Comments

I got dumped and that sucks but what i really regret is that after she told me “it’s just time for us to see other people. I think you’ll realize I’m right in time,” the only reply I could come up with in that moment was “your mom… whatever… fuck you.” I’d break up with me too.

Aug 26, 2010 - No Comments

I’m considering dumping you because you leave status updates like “Dark and difficult times lie ahead.”

Aug 26, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped her because she had no grasp on reality.

Aug 26, 2010 - No Comments

Listen, this isn’t exactly a problem and I’m sure you’ll make someone else incredibly happy but it’s not me. your libido is insane. we’d fuck 3 times and then I’d ignore you masturbating to porn after you thought I was asleep. You’re some kind of sex robot. for me, you’ve crossed the line from turn-on to exhausting.

Aug 26, 2010 - No Comments

You ruined yet another date because you just had to “talk about things.” In the restaurant. Loudly.

Aug 26, 2010 - No Comments

You never learned that the whole point of a relationship is to just enjoy being together. You thought we had to “confront the issues” before we could enjoy ourselves. I thought that if we enjoyed ourselves, there wouldn’t be any issues. Well here’s an issue for you to confront: you’re a bitch.

Aug 26, 2010 - No Comments

You can’t talk dirty AND refer to things with baby talk, it’s contradictory. Hearing “fuck me ha harder!” and “i want you kwiss my tatas” confuses a man.

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

It’s genuinely sad how often you quote things and try to pass it off as your own. I get it though, you really are that boring and unoriginal. I guess I would borrow thoughts too.

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped her because she had no grasp on reality.

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

the fact that “they’re happy tears” does not change the fact that you were crying at the end of Step Up 3D

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped you because you recorded more Days of Our Lives than I did.

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

He’s gay. He just doesn’t know it yet.

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

You do not look like Jennifer Garner no matter how many times you say you it…you will not make it true.

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

you have 3 kids we 3 different mothers…

Aug 25, 2010 - No Comments

You were using me to get to my mother.

Aug 24, 2010 - No Comments