Archive for August, 2010

The first time we slept together, it was dark, you took your shirt off, and I thought you still had a sweater on. I was embarrassed when I asked how many layers you had on, but not as embarrassed as you were when you admitted there were no more layers.

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

They promoted you. That job should have been mine. There is no way I am going to report to a guy that gives himself pep talks in the mirror before he goes to work.

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

Your vajazzling was not that dazzling.

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

I came home on night and there was KY Jelly and crumpled up napkins all over your floor. Looks like you had fun without me!

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped you after I found your online dating account…username: DongMaster_83….idiot.

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

God you are so good looking. So so so so soooooo good looking. But you are without a doubt the stupidest man I have ever met.

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

You kept talking about the girl you met in the diaper section of the store…dude we have a kid together. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SHITTY DIAPER.

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

Please stop quoting family guy…please please please?

Aug 31, 2010 - No Comments

Too many knuckle balls, Wakefield.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

Your OCD was ruining my life.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

You had an restraining hemp rope obsession.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

You have constant onion breath.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

I broke up with him because he changed his relationship status from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated”. Thanks for making me aware, dude. Got to love the news feed.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

I stopped seeing you because your vaj was too fat. Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

It was an unfortunate accident, but that’s not why we aren’t together anymore. You got dumped because you beadazzled your eye patch.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

I was just not that into her.

Aug 30, 2010 - No Comments

Your dance moves are entertaining but your grab ass drunk behavior is atrocious.

Aug 29, 2010 - No Comments

He was a virgin and he was thirty. Talk about pressure.

Aug 29, 2010 - No Comments

My friends and I talked about it for hours…. hours on end. We were not able to come up with any reasons that you might not be a serial killer.

Aug 29, 2010 - No Comments

He slept in a toy car bed. He was not eleven either.

Aug 29, 2010 - No Comments

You just couldn’t compare to the trust fund that my parents were going to take away if I continued to date you.

Aug 29, 2010 - No Comments

We got set up on that blind date and when I first saw her I was appalled that my co-worker would set me up with a pregnant lady. But no, she wasn’t pregnant.

Aug 29, 2010 - No Comments

You have a baby penis, sorry if I’m shallow. The WORST sex of my LIFE.

Aug 28, 2010 - No Comments

He was obsessed with baby talk.

Aug 28, 2010 - No Comments

I dumped him because he made way less money than I did and he was ten years older.

Aug 28, 2010 - No Comments